Day 2 comes with an amazing piece from one of my favorite bloggers, Sinawo. She blogs here and is currently doing a #29lettersofgratitude where she’s posting heartwarming letters to everyone who got her where she is. I love her for her sheer honesty in her posts, she bares her soul in everything she writes making it all the more a delight to read. This post is particularly exciting because it’s the first time I have a guest blogger here and it also happens to be Sinawo’s first time guest blogging. I read this twice yesterday and cried because of how beautiful and honest it is, this of course led to me blabbering on and on and on in an email to Sinawo haha. I hope you guys enjoy it as much as i did. Thanks once again Sinawo, you are a superwoman.
Sometimes Love Looks Like This…
Over the December holidays, I visited my father for the first time in years. My stepmother an ever so curious being, made my non-existent love life the well she insisted on quenching her inquisition with. I’m a 27 year old woman, who’s almost always been single, so I understand why this would interest normal humans.
‘But don’t you have days where you just need someone at the end of your day’
I must ashamedly confess this question amused me a bit, not because I’ve never yearned for companionship but the wording she used, it was poetic. I smiled, impressed a by the writer language she was unknowingly using.
So these past few weeks have not been easy. I resigned from my job, and even though I spent an enormous amount of my time explaining why I am leaving my 9-5, my awesome mother still tells me she doesn’t know what to say when her friends ask why I quit. I mean, come on mother!!!
That’s basically my existence in a nutshell, feeling like an out of place zombie that lives like a foreign misunderstood alien. But it is all true, I have no one at the end of my days … No one except of course my two year old nephew, who shouts out my name 3000 times a minute,who waits for me by the window and bursts in excitement when he sees me walking home. And because he thinks I am his little friend, he insists on playing all his games only with me.
And even on days when all I want in the whole wide world is someone to kiss my forehead and ask me how my day was,I have baby talk and nappy changes instead.
Yes, I am alone…
When I decided to pursue a writing career, there was an echo in my heart because no one else could hear me speak. I make decisions everyday without another to affirm or acknowledge my voice. I talk to a journal when I feel my friends won’t understand. I go to the park by myself and read. I get on the swing and push myself blowing air kisses to the sky. I write love letters to my older self, endearing words that celebrate all these baby steps I am taking.
And since there is no one else to to bring me answers, the Father shows me the pathway Himself,because only He seems able to translate the little aspirations of my soul, leading all of them to the right doors. I am aware that two are better than one. But even when time wants to occupy my space with nothingness, I still choose these sleepless nights with my family’s bundle of joy.
My nights are free but they are never empty. They have chubby cheeks that rub themselves against mine when he is filled with sleep. They have bad dreams that make him jump on top of me for a hug to make himself feel safe.
So here’s to another Valentine’s day, I will spend without perfect kisses that interrupt me mid sentence, without a mind that excites me, or a companion determined to be my most favourite love story.
I look at my life and all those times I thought I was ready to give myself to another. And I hug myself tight, grateful for the road I have travelled alone with no one to sing with, and with no one to dance for but the mirror. I can’t help but appreciate how my one set of footsteps has strengthened my obedience and faith. Every day my sense of self grows deeper roots.
I want love but only the kind that is mine. Maybe I am rusty from all this time by myself but I don’t doubt what is mine will always find me at the perfect time ❤